Fails

It Is Truly Fascinating How Awkward This Group of Duke Protestors Are

“When worker rights are under attack”

You have to be shitting me. The irony is not lost on these folks — the shirts they have on their backs we’re probably stitched by 6 year olds in Indonesia working for a penny an hour with no bathroom breaks. But yeah, protesting for a worker who played music consisting of racial slurs in public is the move here. First world problems folks. The actual protest has me gasping for air — this is a :45 second clip that could tell the full story of serial protestors. If there was an app called ‘Build-A-Protest’ these people would be the prototype you would begin with.

  1. Colored Hair
  2. Fat as shit
  3. White
  4. College aged
  5. Socially Awkward

Let’s break down the whole video:

Part 1: The Entrance

See what I mean by your typical protestors? spitting images. First of all, if your protest consists of four people who don’t say a word, pick up your lunch pail go home and get back to the drawing board. You’re just making a fool of yourself. If there was a “SJWMixtape” hype video this clip would be in the pre-roll.

Part 2: Protesters Clash With The Big-Bad Moneta

I don’t think Moneta has any clue what’s going on here at first because this protest is so poorly executed. When he did recognize it, he stared daggers right through this group of rebels. It’s like getting a death stare from Michael Scott — absolutely melts the opponent.

Part 3: Reality Sets In For The Blue Devil Rebels

You can already see what’s running through their minds:

“Oh shit, this isn’t Twitter I’m fucked in a battle of wits when I don’t have ten minutes to cite a Huffington Post blog.”

“Holy fuck this is the same guy who can fire you for playing vulgar music in a public establishment, ABANDON SHIP!”

The dude was the most shell shocked here, he realized he was in the front and quickly folded. The other ne’er do wells shifted right to the back corner and carried on their unclear passive message. Fuck, even one of them hid behind a sign with sunglasses on. There’s no such thing as follow the leader here because they’re all beta humans.

Shoutout to whoever did the camera work here. I don’t care if you are one of these people, the angles and timing made this video solid. The camera guy waited for the beat to drop while the big bad SJWs came down the hallway, got Moneta’s death stare perfectly and then the silent folding of the protesters. These kids literally didn’t utter one word verbally.

This whole thing has become a content machine for bloggers like me, so I couldn’t help myself. Basically — Duke VP Larry Moneta fired a Starbucks worker for playing ‘Get Paid’ by Young Dolph during the shift. As you can imagine, rap lyrics are not exactly rated PG-13. Personally, I would not have fired the worker if that was the first time that ever happened, but this worker shouldn’t be shocked whatsoever. Self-Awareness is absolutely lost on these people.

What for it.,,,,

YOU GO TO DUKE UNIVERSITY

I don’t think this is a story if we are at Florida Atlantic or Southern Mississippi or any other public college. You go to an elitist school ran by elitists — who in their right mind could have foreseen strict rules coming? Couldn’t be me. Not to mention, you’re employed by a public business, who indeed serves the public. Playing vulgar lyrics loud at that said establishment is not exactly great for business. Seriously, check the transcript of this song,

[Hook]
Get paid, young nigga, get paid
Get paid, young nigga, get paid
Get paid, young nigga, get paid
Whatever you do, just make sure you get paid
Get paid, young nigga, get paid
Get paid, young nigga, get paid
Crib so big, that it came with a maid
Get paid, young nigga, get paid

[Verse 1]
Rule number 1, get the money first
Rule number 2, don’t forget to get the money
Play by these rules and everything will be okay
Still in my trap, flipping my Frito-Lays
Go get the money, it ain’t nothing else important to me
I showed her a Xanax, she hurried up and took
I fucked her so good, she got up and started cooking
Rolling up big blunts, and a pound of cookies
If yeen got 40 bands, then you can’t book me
Pulled up on the side of your bitch, she wouldn’t stop looking
That bitch good as tooken, good as gone
I guarantee tonight my nigga, that bitch ain’t coming home
I got money to count, I got bitches to fuck
I got packs to flip, pistols to bust
When I was small, I ain’t have nothing
Started selling dope, and prayed to God for a plug
He showed up and said

This the real life version of the gary the snail rap remix:

We’re working at about a one ‘N-word’ per bar ratio. Not in great taste for the folks of Tobacco Road I would guess. So, in result you can get canned for said actions. Also, we aren’t exactly talking about a full-time career with sick bennies that we’re earned by working up the totem pole of the barista world. It’s a minimum wage gopher job — meaning you just simply get coffee and bagels from point A to point B. To top if off, It was a student worker in a coffee shop ran by Duke. So, I would assume we’re talking about a work study gig here. For folks who don’t know, those jobs pay like $2,000 a year and have hour limits because the school stresses studies first. There’s a strong possibility this worker was slinging bagels and mocha lattes ten hours a week like Young Dolph flips ‘Frito-Lays’ (I still have no clue what that means).

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