Author: moll

Fantasy Football Is Heroin.

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No hyperbole. I’m coming off one of the most stressful games in my fantasy football life and I think I probably got 6 different types of panic disorders. Fantasy football is literally heroin, it ruins your life but there’s no way you can stop playing. Just not possible folks.

I started out my season 0-3, it’s nearly impossible to come back down 0-3 in fantasy. But, just like the Red Sox and David Roberts, I stole Carson Wentz off my waivers and then he destroyed everyone. I was killing it, Zeke was beating his suspension, now I am on the way back. Zeke finally gets the kick to the nuts, and now I lose him till week 15.

Not fucking good. I still came back despite that, I got Josh Gordon off the wire, Jermaine Kearse, I still had Alfred Morris, and Keenan Allen caught every TD in sight. I was rolling and destroying everyone while other teams fell. I needed a win this week to get in, and a loss from one of two teams to get in. An hour ago, I was up 88-58. Then, Wentz tore his fucking ACL, I’m playing against Gurley who rushed for a TD. Then, Russell Wilson decides to throw 2 touchdowns in the fourth, one for 61 yards, and one for 74.

All within 20 minutes this happened. Now, I have just the Ravens defense left, and my opponent has James White and Chris Boswell, he’s up by 1 point. Not to mention, Keenan Allen got tackled at the goal line and didn’t score, and Kelce got a TD called back. I once lost in the first round of a season where i was 13-1, because shady McCoy got hurt, and Javorius Allen had -0.04 points in an entire game. To top it off, I lost on a garbage time 1 yard TD by Ben Watson in the Monday night game. Every fucking season this shit happens to me, I feel like I’m on the worst trip ever off a bad dose of Heroin because this blog was written all on venom. Fuck Fantasy football, I can’t wait till next year.

Bills Fans Are Like Amazon, The Second You Think They Peak, Amazing Happens

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With the Bills getting blown out during fourth quarter of Sunday’s game against the Saints, there wasn’t much to cheer about for the few remaining fans at New Era Field. However, that all changed when one man decided to get naked and bravely run across the field in Buffalo temperatures that were hovering in the low-40s. 

The 75-yard run by the nude man was arguably the biggest highlight of the day for Bills fans, who watched their team get blown out 47-10. During the man’s run across the field, hundreds of fans were cheering him on. 

Here’s some video of the incident that was taken from the upper deck. Unfortunately, we can’t show you the NSFW video from the lower deck because he’s naked, but you can check that out here as long as you heed the NSFW warning. 

Buffalo, a place of snow, football, and fans. Every week, we sit back into our cushions just waiting for another Bills Mafia video. Usually, when we see a new Bills Mafia video, it’s just a variation of slamming someone on a table, or setting them on fire.

Then, we get one that is completely wild from the clouds. The Dildo toss of 2016, and now the streaker of 2017, and yet another Dildo toss of 2017. He’s not your typical Bills Mafia guy though, he’s got the build of Conor McGregor and has the locks of a hockey player. He bursted off the bleachers and hit the gap, taking the carry for 75 yards and led the Buffalo Bills in rushing despite an embarrassing game.

Just like Amazon, Bills Mafia dominates the internet while at the same time not having an exact system, it’s the best of everything. When Amazon has a Prime Day, or National Holiday, their stock and Jeff Bezos’s networth skyrocket in the air like the latest dildo toss. I’m not sure what the Bills Mafia stock price looks like, but i’m ready to invest into them instead of bitcoin, upside fellas. Buy low, sell high.

Regardless of internet dominance, you need major media influence on your side. In 2013, Amazon purchased the Washington Post, giving them a huge advantage on the media landscape. This is the Bills Mafia’s next move, they have their brand established, and growing at a big rate. This weekend, Barstool Sports paid a little visit to Bills Mafia for the second time in the last 3 years.

Bills Mafia must buy Barstool Sports. The fastest rising brands colliding? utter dominance. Like, ’85 Bears dominance – like, college freshman girls vs. a bottle of Smirnoff type dominance. Whatever it takes, Bills Mafia needs to recruit their very best group of investors, put their chips, tables, and maddog 2020 in together because we needs these brands to merge like I need a cup of coffee in the big time.

Just like Amazon, despite a couple of distinct leaders, Bills Mafia is an open marketplace tailored to the common man, just trying to make a buck, and get a deal. Anyone can get a bottle of maddog 2020, strap on a helmet, and meet face to table in the name of freedom. That’s capitalism folks. ‘Merica. Also, tailgator prices are significantly lower than the retailer, always stick it to the man!

Amazon recently bought Whole Foods, giving them a niche in the food retail business. I’m assuming Billsmafia doesn’t go to grocery stores, so here’s a solution – buy a majority stake in George Foreman Grills, and a hefty amount of livestock to keep the Mafia nourished. Who needs kale chips when you got a sweet slab of tenderloins and a cup of milk straight from the Cow’s tit.

The internet is great, but what’s next for the Bills Mafia to be seen? That would be TV folks. Amazon recently got streaming rights to Thursday Night Football, this is it. These are the big lights Bills Mafia is yearning to see. This is where the similarities become realities, and the brands collide, the metamorphosis of the 21st century. Watch out, Bills Mafia WILL become an empire.

 

College Gameday Signs Are Out In Full Force: Right In Tennessee’s Mug

It was only a matter of time until a Tennessee sign came flailing out from the crowd, they have became the complete joke of college football since they have botched their coaching search by epic proportions:

So, so many questions here. College gameday is in Charlotte for the ACC championship game between Clemson and Miami – and here’s this guy, in enemy territory, wearing a South Carolina shirt, and making a Tennessee joke, at a Clemson/Miami game. Even the Miami fan right next him is wondering, “wyd???” If you’re a South Carolina fan, and you’re taking shots at Tennessee at a Clemson game, you’re just fighting the wrong battle. Clemson just killed South Carolina last week yet again, at least take shots at Clemson to earn some petty points dude.

3 Easy Bets For Rivalry Week

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Ohio State vs. Michigan Line: Ohio State -12 / 49.5 points:

Under: A cold November game in the big house between two big ten foes will have all sorts of punts – shanks, high hangers, line drives you name it. A 50 point total where John O’Korn is playing QB against JT Barrett is the easiest under bet I have had the last 3 days. Not to mention we have two of the best defensive lines in college, put your coins on the under.

West Virginia vs. Oklahoma: Oklahoma -23 / 68.5 points:

WVU +23: Wil Grier’s finger is at a 90 degree angle and there’s a good chance Baker Mayfield is still traumatized at his crotch grab from the looks of his presser. Leading to this retarded spread, it’s a trap – This is an extremely over inflated spread that has no chance in being covered. NO CHANCE.

Washington State vs. Washington: WSU -10.5 / 48 points:

Over/UW +10.5: You can take either bet here, they will both hit. The Apple Cup will be a shootout, on top of it – Washington State still screams fraud in my opinion. There’s no way I can bet you to cover a 10 point spread if you let Cal drop a 37 spot on your brain and you only put up 3. Take both here.

Thank Fuck The Orlando Summer League Finally Got Cancelled

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Hoops Rumors:

The Magic won’t host their summer league in 2018, according to Josh Robbins of The Orlando Sentinel. Instead, Orlando will join most of the rest of the league with an entry in the Las Vegas Summer League.

You’re about 4 years too late NBA. The Orlando Summer League is like getting shitty pizza when you’re loaded because there’s only one spot open. It’s crap, it’s at a premium, but it’s there. The Orlando Magic summer league is the worst collection of teams to play summer league literally every season. It’s always the teams the draft like shit or the middle of the pack teams that have no marquee prospects. It’s like the Magic, Pistons, Thunder, Knicks, Heat and so on.

It’s complete barf because it’s basically a glorified D-League. I think Mario Hezonja was the top prospect last season in that summer league and this dude SUCKS eggs in the NBA. On top of it, don’t you think it’s a bad business decision to have live NBA games in a practice gym, in Orlando of all places, where the bleachers are no bigger than the average charter school?

Las Vegas has a legit arena, ya know – where they can sell legit tickets and make killer money. People are on vacation in Florida, want to see a game, and get a glorified YMCA men’s league game, probably in a worse gym. Which makes the viewing experience even more boring, It’s like watching golf with some shoe squeaks. Good riddance Orlando Summer League, glad the Magic sacked up and joined the big boys.

Moll Vs. The Commenters Part II: Enter Elika Sadeghi

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Alright, so I basically went back at Elika Sadeghi for being a pathological liar and trying to drag Barstool even more just for publicity. She denied a job because a contract said she couldn’t sue Barstool for making a joke. This is real. Morons like this have influence in the media. That is why this country is dragging ass on the rug like a dog with worms. Even when Barstool is wrong, at least they have the commenters to stick it back to anyone. Elika’s commenters are a perfect reflection of her personality and humor. You won’t be disappointed here. You’re welcome:

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How Stupid Are The CFP Voters For Putting Georgia & Notre Dame At 1 & 3?

Miami 41 Notre Dame 8

ESPN:

What they saw was not only a return but an awakening. No. 7 Miami (9-0) played a near-perfect game Saturday night with a devastatingly dominant performance that featured a swarming, aggressive, fast, athletic defense and an offense that made plays when it had to, particularly off turnovers.

The result: a jaw-dropping 41-8 victory over No. 3 Notre Dame (8-2), flipping the conversation from “How good is Miami?” to “How high should we rank Miami in the top four?” Given the way the game played out, it is hard to believe now that Notre Dame was the slight favorite going into the matchup.

Auburn 40 Georgia 17

CBS Sports:

Tiger running back Kerryon Johnson was a monster, rushing for 167 yards on 32 carries and catching two passes for 66 yards and a touchdown. Quarterback Jarrett Stidham was 16-for-23 passing for 214 yards with three touchdowns and no picks in a solid performance for the Baylor transfer. Meanwhile, Georgia’s vaunted rushing attack was held to just 46 yards on the game — 1.6 yards per carry — by a swarming Tigers defense that was incredibly disruptive.

First of all, what a weekend in college football. We got the best matchups possible at the heat of the season. But, let’s be honest – it was disappointing for the most part. Auburn steamrolled Georgia, The Miami Hurricanes went category 5 on the frauds from South Bend – Ohio State won by a fucking billion over MSU – FSU/CLEM didn’t live up to expectations because FSU blows, and Oklahoma roasted the Frogs legs like a shish kabob on the barbeque.

The Real Problem:

Notre Dame had no business being ranked in the top 4, and Georgia was OBVIOUSLY not the top team in the country. Both of their schedules were complete booty – and they don’t have good QB’s. Jake Fromm could be a good QB for Georgia in the future, but he is still a true freshman in the SEC. Are they seriously putting Notre Dame over Oklahoma? TCU? Clemson? and Georgia over the rest?

Oklahoma and Clemson would probably beat those two teams 5 times out of 7. Quarterbacks rule college football, and Brandon Wimbush actually sucks – he went 10/21 with 119 yards 1 TD and 2 INT. Baker Mayfield and Kelly Bryant would beat out Fromm and Wimbush single handedly. The committee needs to stop playing the favorites with Notre Dame and the SEC, because pleasing a bunch of crawfish guzzling hicks from the deep south and Indiana doesn’t make college football better. The voters are as useless as tits on a bull.

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Duke Has Become The New England Patriots Of College Basketball

ESPN

“Next year I will be attending Duke University,” Barrett announced on TSN’s Sportscentre in Canada.

Barrett chose the Blue Devils over Oregon and Kentucky. The Canada native visited all three schools in September.

Barrett’s recruiting process accelerated on July 31, when he announced that he was reclassifying from the Class of 2019 to the 2018 class.

This is literally the third straight number one player to commit to Duke. From Jabari Parker, Jahlil Okafor, Tyus Jones, Brandon Ingram, Jayson Tatum, Harry Giles, Grayson Allen, Marvin Bagley, Gary Trent, Tre Jones, Cameron Reddish, Marvin Bagley, Trevon Duval, Wendell Carter, Luke Kennard, Justise Winslow, Amile Jefferson, and now RJ Barrett.

I really didn’t have to list everyone, it was just my pleasure – maybe a little arrogance. To top it off, Duke continues to be untouched in this wave of fraudsters that have hit college basketball. Duke not only dominates the game, but the recruiting better than everyone else – and they still have their morals. It’s even better when Coach K started the one and done trend at Duke after Coach Cal, and continues to beat him at his own game by epic proportions.

Just like the Patriots in football, they have the best, they are coached by the best, and there is no stopping that train. Everything’s coming up Blue Devils, and I love it.

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Steph Curry Kicked A Basketball In The Hoop; Bleacher Report Obvious Came To The Moon After

Regardless of how great the shot was, everybody know’s Bleacher Report literally nuts out a truckload when Steph does literally anything. It’s exactly why he won a unanimous MVP even though there are multiple players more valuable than a one dimensional guard. This is exactly why the NBA should add “Social Media MVP” to the award show – and Bleacher Report should have their own cesspool show full of 13 year olds. Plus, we all know these Curry connoisseurs were Laker fans in 2010 (or were toddlers, take your pick).

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I’m Officially On The Chinese Basketball Bandwagon After Jimmer Fredette & Stephon Marbury Almost Put Their Dukes Up On The Court

Hot take, Chinese basketball is more intense than the NBA… there, I said it. I’m not just being sarcastic to get a chuckle or two. I have reasoning behind this:

If you skip to about a minute in the clip, the entire Beijing fan section is chanting “dumb cunts!” at the opposing team in Chinese. If somebody did that in the NBA fan section it’s a story on first take for a week and Adam Silver would probably have to do a press release.

Not in China, the millennials haven’t stretched their wings into international waters to ruin that yet… lol. Seriously, if you turn Jimmer Fredette from his BYU mormon former self, into a gritty killer on the court who wants to fight Stephon Marbury than you’re doing it right.

LiAngelo Ball really cucked himself, this dude is obviously no NBA prospect, we all know that. He could have gone into Chinese basketball, made a pro living, and played in that atmosphere. Nah, he wanted Louis Vuitton sunglasses that honestly, were probably fake. Wouldn’t shock me if that shop was a rip off Vuitton establishment that sells fake shit for $10 when it’s made for $1. They are probably one of those places that advertises “FREE Sunglasses!” and makes you pay $15 for shipping and you won’t get them in the mail for a month.

On top of that skirmish, Jimmer balled out and the game went to OT.

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