Category: NFL

I Know How to Fix The NFL

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So most fans across the country  probably have the same thoughts as I do about the NFL product on the field this season. “These guys are fucking trash!” we say from our couches as another quick slant is thrown too high, dropping the Doritos bag off our stomachs. There aren’t many teams that you’re willing to sit down and watch if they’re not your favorite team. I can name like 5 teams in the NFL, that aren’t my hometown team, I will enjoy watching, (Patriots, Falcons, Saints, Steelers and the Eagles) and it’s down to 4 now that Carson Wentz has torn his ACL.

Now, lets role play for a second and pretend I’m speaking with Roger Goodell. First off, I would say congrats and that I love his work. Then, when me and Roger sit down for a beer and chat about the league, I gotta pitch some ideas to him to try and make the NFL more watchable for the casual fans. Get better players? Easier said than done. Make it more violent? I think we’re ok on that front (CTE and all).

That leads me to my billion dollar idea. Lets stop flagging players for taunting. These are grown men out here getting paid to play football, an emotional game, just ask Mike Mitchell, he doesn’t seem afraid to tell you.

What is more fun than a good play followed up by shit talk? Nothing I tell you. They don’t (strictly)call you the “No Fun League” because you’re not allowed to smoke pot,  Josh Gordon. The players just don’t have chance to have fun on the field because you’re most likely getting a flag when you stunt on a corner for scoring on them.

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Nothing ruins the flow of a game quite like a dumbass penalty that doesn’t need to be called, and taunting is the definition of said penalty. We aren’t in the business of getting feelings hurt in professional sports, time to act like these guys aren’t cry babies. Tell them Charles!

Let the boys play.

Fantasy Football Is Heroin.

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No hyperbole. I’m coming off one of the most stressful games in my fantasy football life and I think I probably got 6 different types of panic disorders. Fantasy football is literally heroin, it ruins your life but there’s no way you can stop playing. Just not possible folks.

I started out my season 0-3, it’s nearly impossible to come back down 0-3 in fantasy. But, just like the Red Sox and David Roberts, I stole Carson Wentz off my waivers and then he destroyed everyone. I was killing it, Zeke was beating his suspension, now I am on the way back. Zeke finally gets the kick to the nuts, and now I lose him till week 15.

Not fucking good. I still came back despite that, I got Josh Gordon off the wire, Jermaine Kearse, I still had Alfred Morris, and Keenan Allen caught every TD in sight. I was rolling and destroying everyone while other teams fell. I needed a win this week to get in, and a loss from one of two teams to get in. An hour ago, I was up 88-58. Then, Wentz tore his fucking ACL, I’m playing against Gurley who rushed for a TD. Then, Russell Wilson decides to throw 2 touchdowns in the fourth, one for 61 yards, and one for 74.

All within 20 minutes this happened. Now, I have just the Ravens defense left, and my opponent has James White and Chris Boswell, he’s up by 1 point. Not to mention, Keenan Allen got tackled at the goal line and didn’t score, and Kelce got a TD called back. I once lost in the first round of a season where i was 13-1, because shady McCoy got hurt, and Javorius Allen had -0.04 points in an entire game. To top it off, I lost on a garbage time 1 yard TD by Ben Watson in the Monday night game. Every fucking season this shit happens to me, I feel like I’m on the worst trip ever off a bad dose of Heroin because this blog was written all on venom. Fuck Fantasy football, I can’t wait till next year.

Bills Fans Are Like Amazon, The Second You Think They Peak, Amazing Happens

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With the Bills getting blown out during fourth quarter of Sunday’s game against the Saints, there wasn’t much to cheer about for the few remaining fans at New Era Field. However, that all changed when one man decided to get naked and bravely run across the field in Buffalo temperatures that were hovering in the low-40s. 

The 75-yard run by the nude man was arguably the biggest highlight of the day for Bills fans, who watched their team get blown out 47-10. During the man’s run across the field, hundreds of fans were cheering him on. 

Here’s some video of the incident that was taken from the upper deck. Unfortunately, we can’t show you the NSFW video from the lower deck because he’s naked, but you can check that out here as long as you heed the NSFW warning. 

Buffalo, a place of snow, football, and fans. Every week, we sit back into our cushions just waiting for another Bills Mafia video. Usually, when we see a new Bills Mafia video, it’s just a variation of slamming someone on a table, or setting them on fire.

Then, we get one that is completely wild from the clouds. The Dildo toss of 2016, and now the streaker of 2017, and yet another Dildo toss of 2017. He’s not your typical Bills Mafia guy though, he’s got the build of Conor McGregor and has the locks of a hockey player. He bursted off the bleachers and hit the gap, taking the carry for 75 yards and led the Buffalo Bills in rushing despite an embarrassing game.

Just like Amazon, Bills Mafia dominates the internet while at the same time not having an exact system, it’s the best of everything. When Amazon has a Prime Day, or National Holiday, their stock and Jeff Bezos’s networth skyrocket in the air like the latest dildo toss. I’m not sure what the Bills Mafia stock price looks like, but i’m ready to invest into them instead of bitcoin, upside fellas. Buy low, sell high.

Regardless of internet dominance, you need major media influence on your side. In 2013, Amazon purchased the Washington Post, giving them a huge advantage on the media landscape. This is the Bills Mafia’s next move, they have their brand established, and growing at a big rate. This weekend, Barstool Sports paid a little visit to Bills Mafia for the second time in the last 3 years.

Bills Mafia must buy Barstool Sports. The fastest rising brands colliding? utter dominance. Like, ’85 Bears dominance – like, college freshman girls vs. a bottle of Smirnoff type dominance. Whatever it takes, Bills Mafia needs to recruit their very best group of investors, put their chips, tables, and maddog 2020 in together because we needs these brands to merge like I need a cup of coffee in the big time.

Just like Amazon, despite a couple of distinct leaders, Bills Mafia is an open marketplace tailored to the common man, just trying to make a buck, and get a deal. Anyone can get a bottle of maddog 2020, strap on a helmet, and meet face to table in the name of freedom. That’s capitalism folks. ‘Merica. Also, tailgator prices are significantly lower than the retailer, always stick it to the man!

Amazon recently bought Whole Foods, giving them a niche in the food retail business. I’m assuming Billsmafia doesn’t go to grocery stores, so here’s a solution – buy a majority stake in George Foreman Grills, and a hefty amount of livestock to keep the Mafia nourished. Who needs kale chips when you got a sweet slab of tenderloins and a cup of milk straight from the Cow’s tit.

The internet is great, but what’s next for the Bills Mafia to be seen? That would be TV folks. Amazon recently got streaming rights to Thursday Night Football, this is it. These are the big lights Bills Mafia is yearning to see. This is where the similarities become realities, and the brands collide, the metamorphosis of the 21st century. Watch out, Bills Mafia WILL become an empire.

 

The Pontiac Silverdome: The Building that Survived a Demolition

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How is your Sunday morning going? Good? I’d wager a guess and say it’s probably started better than the Sunday morning for the fine folks at the Detroit-based Adamo Group.

The Adamo Group is the demolition company that was charged with turning the Pontiac Silverdome into just a memory this morning.  Some might say that a failure to bring down the stadium that was once home of the only team in NFL history to complete a season without a single win is the perfect metaphor.  There must be some sort of cosmic force at play that won’t let anything go right at 1200 Featherstone Road.  How else would you explain the fact that the franchise that drafted both Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders, two of the most talented football players at their respective positions, has only won one playoff game in the last 59 years!

There hasn’t been an NFL stadium implosion related debacle since that time the Weather Channel set up a camera to film the demolition of the Georgia Dome, the former home of the Atlanta Falcons.

On the positive, the fact that the Silverdome is still standing shows just how sturdy the former home of both the Lions and Pistons is.  It is doubtful that any other sports arena, built in the past or even more recently, would be able to withstand such an explosive force.

Took Long Enough….

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*Mike Breen Voice* BANG!!!!

But then….

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*Brent Musburger Voice* You are looking LIVE at me reading those tweets!

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In all honesty, this move should have came before McAdoo decided it was time to bench Eli, especially in the fashion he did it in. Also, Jerry Reese undoubtedly sucked at his job anywho, he really nailed the Ereck Flowers, David Wilson, and Eli Apple picks (just to name first rounders). The damage has already been done, the decisions McAdoo made this past week were basically the millionth nail in the coffin.

Firing McAdoo and Reese doesn’t save the season, and actually might make the Giants look worse for stopping Eli’s streak just to fire them both today, but then again, Benny put all his eggs in Geno Smith’s basket. I guess thanks to Geno for being so trash?

Remember when the Giants needed to run the Super Bowl winning Head Coach out of town because McAdoo was such an offensive genius?

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Miss you Grandpa

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Cue the music!!!!!!!!!

How to Lose a Fan Base in 11 Weeks, By Ben McAdoo

He did it folks. Ben McAdoo has done the unthinkable. No no, it wasn’t the play calling that has caused the Giants to score under 30 points every single game they’ve played since McAdoo became head coach. It also wasn’t the lack of discipline or control over the locker room, which McAdoo has evidenced this season. He decided that Geno Smith gave his team a better chance to win this Sunday, instead of the man who has stood under center for the past 210 games for the Giants, Eli Manning. Yup, the Eli Manning that has put on his helmet every game since 2004, also the same guy who won 2 Super Bowl MVPs.

Has Manning been super sharp this season? No, but who has their best season when their top 3 receivers are out for an extended period of time, including one of the best play-makers in the NFL in Odell. He also came into the season with one of the worst offensives lines in football (credit to Ereck Flowers though, who has improved all season long). But Eli is our guy, through thick and thin, and there have been a heavy amount of both.

When you’re set back by injuries and a poor offensive line, how can you expect your quarterback to lead a team of misfits? Your coaching certainly didn’t help, Ben. Your play call, trash. Your leadership skills, trash. Your hair, Juandissimo without the ponytail.

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So goodnight sweet prince They haven’t fired McAdoo yet, it’s not “The Giant Way” but when Week 17 finishes off, hit my music!

P.S.- Benedict Arnold? More like Benedict McAdoo! I’ll be here all week don’t forget to tip the waitresses

P. P.S. Eli and Coughlin bringing a Super Bowl to Jacksonville next year will be so bittersweet. I love you Eli.

 

Look At This Jets Fan Give The Worst Clap Back To The Patriots In The History Of The Internet

This thread was so stupid I almost decided not to respond. But, it would not be in my nature to ignore stupid internet commenters. Throwing the Giants joke at us as a clap back is so watered down and useless. Since the Patriots have 5 super bowls in 7 tries, it doesn’t sting at all. But, these morons somehow think it does.

The saddest part about this is that I originally thought he was a Giants fan because he made that joke, turns out he was a Jets fan. That is so damn sad, you aren’t even the best franchise in your stadium. Think about that. To top it off, Buffalo is a better team than the Jets and all they have in Buffalo is drunk people and snow.

“BB was my coach first. Enjoy my sloppy seconds or in your case. Thirsty thirds.”

There it is fellas. The most retarded comment I have ever seen in twitter history. Imagine thinking that up and saying “That’ll get em!” Sad! That’s like going at a dude that fucked your girl and saying enjoy my sloppy seconds. Literally. There is zero offense to that, you got cucked so bad it’s better to just submit into the depths of your couch. By the way, who the fuck says “thirsty thirds” ??? Nothing in that phrase makes any sense. It’s absolutely hilarious that this guy is somehow trying to brag that Bill Belichick wanted no part of that Jets dumpster fire. Hilarious.

Also, did anybody notice my avatar on twitter?

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That has been there since football season started, and was 100% unintentionally set before this guy came swimming in my mentions. Being a Jets fan going at Pats fans is like being a minnow trying to swim upstream in a fast river. If you aren’t a Salmon, you will be washed away. Patriots fans are the alpha’s, the rest of the NFL is full of beta’s. Fuck with us, you can’t.

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The Eagles Scored So Much Against The Broncos That They Ran Out Of Celebration Fireworks; This Impending Collapse Will Be Sweeter Than 2004

If there was any tweet to summarize basically the entire NFL weekend, you got it here. Seriously, this was the worst NFL weekend of this season so far, and it’s not even close. And we also had an NFL weekend solely dedicated to politics – hard to beat that BS.

Let’s make something clear, the Broncos fucking suck. When you start Brock Osweiler, there will never be a good outcome. I don’t care what anyone says, offense is more important than defense. The only time a bad offense wins a superbowl is when the defense is one of the best of all time. Any other time, if your offense can’t move the ball – the defense is bound to fail.

As far as the Eagles go, they are so good right now that the impending collapse is going to be even sweeter than 2004. Wentz will probably be the NFL MVP, the Eagles are 8-1, they have the number 1 run defense in the league – and the NFC is a wash.

I already can’t wait for the Patriots/Eagles super bowl, there is a 99% chance that will be the matchup and I can’t wait for Tom Brady to step on their throats (again). When teams like the Falcons and Eagles matchup against real greatness, it’s laughable. It’s like stepping on an ant hill when you’re a human. Too easy. Enjoy the regular season Philly, that fun won’t last long.

Only The Jaguars Would Suspend Their Star RB For Missing A Photo When They Are Competing For A Division Title

ESPN:

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jacksonville Jaguars running back Leonard Fournettewas deactivated for Sunday’s game against Cincinnati after he violated a team rule, the team announced.

“Leonard Fournette is not playing in today’s game due to an infraction of a team rule,” coach Doug Marrone said in a statement. “This has been addressed internally and further details will not be made public.”

Among the reasons Fournette was deactivated for Sunday’s game was that he missed the Jaguars’ team photo earlier this week, sources confirmed to ESPN.

How fucking dumb are the Jaguars? Andrew Luck is out for the season, so the Colts are garbage – the Texans just lost Watson for the season to derail their hopes – and the Titans have been disappointing. Everything’s coming up Jacksonville, they have a chance to take a stranglehold on the division, and they suspend their best player for missing a team photo.

It’s a fucking photo. Slap him on the wrist and play ball, who fucking cares. Also, suspending him to establish “culture” is bullshit – this only hurts your team. On top of the suspension itself, they waited until an hour ago to enforce it, when the photo was days ago. Giving Chris Ivory, and TJ Yeldon no time to prepare with the first team.

I guess this Jaguars lady wasn’t kidding when she said the Jags play by the rules:

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Sam Darnold May Stay In School If The Browns Receive The Top Pick In The Draft

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BR:

Depending on how the 2018 NFL draft order shakes out, USC quarterback Sam Darnold could return to school next year for his junior season. Per NFL Network’s Albert Breer (via Nick Camino of WTAM 1100 in Cleveland), Darnold is going to wait and see which teams are picking in the top two spots next April before deciding if he will leave the Trojans. If the Browns are in the top two, he may head back to USC. The Browns are one of two winless teams, along with the San Francisco 49ers, in the NFL. Cleveland would have the No. 1 overall pick if the season ended today based on the strength-of-schedule tiebreaker.

This might be the smartest decision a 21 year old kid could possibly make. The Browns are the Kardashians of the NFL. They destroy anything that enters their circle to epic proportions. Exhibit A – Deshone Kizer, this kid’s career is already in shambles and he’s been in the league for 7 games. This front office isn’t finagling any franchise changing moves in the near future.

Quarterbacks entering the league are like meeting a significant other’s parents, the first impression makes or breaks you. If you break, the rest of that conversation is like garbage time in the NBA. If a QB breaks and sucks in the first season (or couple of games) it is SO hard to come back after that.

Leaving for the NFL is a tricky maneuver because of that. Eli Manning paved the way for this, making sure he didn’t play for the Chargers was the smartest decision he’s ever made, and Eli is a complete derp.

Plus, we forget Darnold is pretty young in his college career. he’s played a little more than a full season, and has struggled this season. He has to polish the turnovers and pocket discipline. Dodging the Browns is as smart as you can get, staying at USC is a no brainer.

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